It’s true that your past defines the person you are.
But, I firmly believe that the person you are striving to be is far more prevalent than the person you once were.
Always moving forward.
“People are going to disappoint you, I get that, I kind of expect that but, what happens if one day you wake-up and realize you are the disappointment?”
People will disappoint you.
People will surprise you.
There are some nights where all you can do is contemplate all the events of your past, whether they be long gone or recent. I can barely keep my eyes open because I’m so exhausted, yet all I want to do is stay awake. I want to press pause and not have to move forward or grow older or change. If I look back on 2014, I would have to say that it has been my best year to date. I’m happy. I can say that honestly. I’m self aware- well as self aware as one can be at age 20. I have made mistakes. I have been selfish. I have been lazy. I have been cruel. I want to be better. I want to live with more passion and excitement and kindness. I want to move forward, but I don’t. I’m scared that everything and everyone I care about will continue to disappear, which is inevitable but so terrible. I’m scared that 21 will be missing important parts and people in my life and I don’t know how to deal with that. I’m happy, but sad.
Tears of happiness mixed with tears of remorse.
I miss you. I miss him. I miss her. I miss me.
Sometimes you just want to stand in the middle of a thunderstorm at 11 at night and breath. You can barely keep your eyes open because of how hard the rain is coming down on your face, yet you strain to keep them open, even the tiniest bit, so you can watch every single drop fall. And you laugh, because if anyone saw you they might think you were crazy; but then again, do you care? No. Because, for those 30 seconds, you’re finally at peace. Your mind is completely clear and you feel free for once. The only thing you can concentrate on is how cold the water is and the sound of the drops hitting your skin and the ground. You don’t have room in your mind to think of disappointments or fears. In those few moments you feel like anything is possible. You feel as if you could be invincible. You feel as if nothing could disturb you. It is the simple moments like these that draw out your hopefulness and your wishes and somehow reveal to you that they’re not as silly as you make them out to be. They say that hope destroys you, and perhaps it is true in some cases. But you still like to believe that hope is revitalizing. Hope for a better tomorrow makes everything worth it. There is never a point where things are completely unfixable or unchangeable. Perhaps such a thought may be deemed as naive, yet in some instances even naivety has its brilliance.
"Every morning we get a chance to be different. A chance to change. A chance to be better. Your past is your past. Leave it there. Get on with the future part."